The Worst Man.
One way of approaching the duties of the Best Man is to depict him at his worst - doing nothing that he should be doing, and everything that he shouldn't. The Worst Man is the Best Man who isn't. He accepts the task of Best Man without thinking, in the belief that "It'll be all right on the day". He discusses no details with the Groom, the Bride or with her mother in the weeks before the wedding. After only four hours sleep the night before, he realises on the morning that the banks are shut and he cannot cash the cheque which the Bridegroom gave him to pay the chauffeur, the organist and the dress hire firm, not to mention the taxi-man, not to mention the taxi-man, the sacristan and the band leader.

When the photographer does not appear on time, the worst man does not have his number, nor does he know any photographer he can call on in such an emergency. He remembers the wedding ring - that much he gets right. "But where is Uncle Charlie? I thought he knew how to find his way to the church". And while the worst man is eyeing up that little cousin who seems to have grown up so cutely in a year, he fails to notice that Aunt Agatha, immersed in her prayers, is missing from the family photograph, and that someone (a latecomer) has parked their mini at the church gate blocking the entrance.

All goes well, in spite of him. Meanwhile the Bride, is wondering why the little bespectacled organist is still lurking about the chapel door looking very dissatisfied. ("Does he want to get into the photographs too?") and the groom is now tied up trying to explain to Uncle Charlie (who has only just arrived) how to find his way to the hotel....The Worst Man had a great crack at the reception. Everyone laughed when he told his favourite joke about the bride, the barmaid and the bishop, but he failed to notice how nervous their laughter was. The barman, at least, thought he was hilarious .

Later on, as the couple was departing for the airport, he got a chance to sing his own favourite version of Patricia the Stripper, and then led the now quickly dispersing crowd in a rousing rendition of An Puc Ar Buille (all fifteen verses..... The next morning (afternoon), while clearing out his pockets, he noticed an envelope containing a small wad of traveller's cheques belonging to the groom. "God, I wonder where they are staying ..... (ah well, haven't they got each other, and sure, who needs money on their honeymoon").

Seriously, though....
It is the attention to detail, the little extras, which turn a Best Man into an excellent Best Man. Assisting the groom is his main concern, since he is the Groom's Best Man. But his duties also extend to assisting the Bride, the Bridesmaids, the wedding party, and the guests. On the day, he is both servant and host, paymaster, toastmaster, diplomat and general gofer (going for this and going for that...). He may be called upon as a furniture remover, a taxi-man, telephonist, negotiator and a champion of the neglected, perhaps all at the same time, without losing his cool. He will need to be quick-witted in emergencies, charming, capable of speaking well, a good organiser, reliable and trustworthy, on good terms with both families, and preferably, he should have independent transport.

For this reason the Bridegroom should give the matter some careful thought before selecting and asking a suitable candidate, who should also give the matter some thought before accepting the offer. Where there is a risk of hurting the feelings of a younger brother or a close friend by asking someone more suitable to accept the task, it might be suggested that they accept the position of Chief Usher instead.